The Artist's Way: Week 3
Previous entries: Week 1, Week 2
Sorry about last week, Julia. I wasn't really familiar with your game.
The reading
You know how last week I hated the reading and got so, so mad at it? Well, this week's reading resonated me so much that I was actually crying a little at one point! Interesting!
There was a section about how anger is an emotion that tells you to take action. This is something I've already talked about a lot in therapy, but it was nice to see the sentiment echoed elsewhere. As someone whose artistic career is at least somewhat driven by spite, it's nice to hear someone say that that's the correct thing to do with that anger.
The synchronicity section really resonated with me as well. I personally don't believe there's a god or other higher power consciously handing me opportunities, but it is true that I often don't take opportunities that are directly in front of me. I'll often let social anxiety win and come up with excuses not to go to local meetups and gatherings despite really, really wanting to be more involved in the local film and game dev scenes. I won't apply to some jobs or other opportunities, because I find myself doubting I'll get them, so what's the point? This section was kind of a wake up call that I'm only hurting myself by not taking these opportunities when they're in front of me.
I won't get into the specifics of the shame section, but I'll just say it resonated a lot and made me think of some old buried wounds. This was the one that made me cry.
Then she talks about the difference between constructive criticism and hurtful harsh feedback, and oh my god! She has a whole breakdown of steps to take when you receive harsh feedback! I am 100% going to be using that in the future.
The rest of the chapter felt less relevant to me. But that's okay, because overall, the reading super resonated this week. It's honestly pretty wild that last week's chapter was so bad and this week's was so good.
The morning pages
Guess who forgot to write the morning pages every single morning this week? God, I love having ADHD. I did write them when I remembered, it just happened to always be in the afternoon or evening.
Every time I remembered, it was an immediate feeling of "ugh, I forgot to do my homework, and now I have to do it." I wish I could get past this, because once I get a page or so in, I start really enjoying the process. Every single time. It's just getting started that feels like a slog.
I think it's because every time I sit down to write, I'm aware of other things that need to get done. I have trouble taking the time to just sit down and write 3 pages when I have emails respond to, cleaning to do, music to compose, etc. I have trouble seeing it as important in the way these other tasks are important, despite the fact that I can tell that it's making me feel much better. Maybe the initial "this is a waste of time" feeling will go away in the coming weeks. I hope it does.
Also, one day I didn't know what to write so I pulled a tarot card to use as a writing prompt (I've done this often before with regular journaling). I pulled the 6 of swords, which represents moving on or letting go. While I was in the middle of writing trying to solve the mystery of what I needed to move on from, I received an email that I didn't get a part-time day job I had interviewed for, one that had seemed really promising. So that was wild. Tarot can be a little freaky sometimes.
Anyway, I digress. Overall I'm hoping I can be better about remember to write in the mornings instead of forgetting. I enjoyed doing them more earlier in the day.
The artist's date
I enjoyed my artist's date this week! I sat down and watched The Boy and the Heron, which I'd been wanting to see since it came out but just hadn't gotten around to doing. I'm glad I was essentially forced to make time to do that, because I really liked it! It was a really beautiful experience. It's probably my favorite of Joe Hisaishi's scores, and the warawara may be my new favorite of Miyazaki's cute weird little guys.
The exercises
I have kind of mixed opinions of these. I tend to skip a lot of inner child stuff, because I'm like, alright, I've done a lot of nurturing of my inner child already in therapy, and at this point it's just gotten kind of old. I think she's good! I feel like my selves of other ages could use some nurturing too, you know?
I did like the exercise where you write 5 traits you possessed as a child that you like. I wrote kind, gentle, imaginative, idealistic, and loves animals. These all feel pretty true to me still, so I'm glad to know that adulthood hasn't changed me too much in those regards.
I also liked the one where you write about 3 friends who nurture you. This was helpful for me, thinking about which friends uplift and encourage me rather than drain me. As the next exercise she then tells you to call one of those friends, but I did even better! I made plans to hang out with one of them IN PERSON this week!! Also I may have cheated because another person on my list was my husband Alex, and obviously we talk all the time. But overall I think I got the spirit of the exercise right.
The bad habits one was helpful too, particularly trying to figure out what purpose each one serves. Like for example I definitely look at social media too much, and I think it's because I want to feel connected to the world. So I then started thinking about healthier ways I could achieve what I'm trying to achieve with these unhealthy habits. I haven't gotten any farther than that, but I think it's a good first step.
Conclusion
This week was good. I kind of wonder if maybe people who do some kind of art professionally don't really need the first two weeks, because this is the first one that really felt relevant to me. But yeah! It was good, it tapped into some deep feelings, and I'm excited and curious to see what week 4 has in store for me.