The Artist's Way: Week 5
Previous entries: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4
This still feels mostly pointless, but maybe a change is happening.
The reading
This lady sure loves to repeat herself! Did you know that we should try to work past any shame we have about making art or doing the things we enjoy, and instead embrace our inner artist? I'm learning so much!
The morning pages
I only did these a few days. I think I'm still recovering from burnout from having to write 3 full pages every single day for 4 weeks, JULIA.
The artist's date
I tried meditating. It turns out that meditation still really doesn't work for me. But honestly, that's okay! I'm glad I gave it another go. It got me out of my normal routine.
The exercises
She finally had us draw something! One of the exercises is to draw a cartoon of yourself participating in your biggest creative blocker. Behold my beautiful art:
Otherwise, I don't know. It was just more essays and lists. And I feel like a lot of the lists are so similar (some variation of 10 things I would like to do if I weren't afraid/if money weren't an issue/if it weren't ridiculous, etc. And also lists of items I would like to own? I don't really love the consumerist vibes there). It's getting very boring. I was so, so stoked that she told us to draw something, lol. I know I could just be drawing things on my own, but having it as an actual assignment was nice.
Conclusion
Weirdly, I feel like I am feeling some positive effects despite this course being... kind of bad? I'm feeling a lot more self-assured. In the span of 5 weeks I went from, "my inner artist needs to be recovered, and this lady is going to help me do it!" to, "I've been an artist this whole time, and I know what I need way better than this random lady ever could."
That's not to say that TAW hasn't been helpful at all. Her points about synchronicity, about not turning down opportunities when the universe presents them, have really stuck with me. I can tell I'm already doing a much better job of not letting anxiety get in the way of seizing these moments. On a similar note, I also like that the course forces me to get out of my comfort zone, especially with the artist's dates. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, especially during the winter months, and that can really kill my creative spark.
But I wish it was more of that sort of thing and less busywork. And I wish the actual reading had more to say. There has to be more to say about creating than just, "I know you've secretly been wanting to make art this whole time but you were ashamed to! Just ignore what society tells you!" I'm sorry, but that's way too simplistic (and also ignores all the realities of capitalism, but I don't feel like getting into that today).
I do think there is something to be said for the simple act of committing to a course that I thought might help me create music and other art that is more true to me than most of what I was making in 2024. I think just deciding that I wanted to try being creative for creativity's sake lit a spark in me. I've been writing a lot more music in the past month or so, and I think a lot of it is really good. Some of the best music I've written in recent memory.
Some might say that this is a sign that TAW is working, and maybe they're right. But I truly believe I'm making this happen in spite of TAW, not because of it. I ignore a lot of the exercises. Julia tells me that I should make another list of 10 things I want to do or picture my childhood bedroom or whatever, I decide that sounds like a dumb waste of time, and I go write music instead. I guess spite continues to be a major source of motivation for me. So... thanks, Julia? I guess?
We'll see what week 6 brings!